return of loneliness

the loneliness is deeper than the skin
well beyond horniness
a longing to share from within
the deepest recesses
of the heart and mind
the secrets only the best friends
can ever find

would you take the time?
would you really care?
would you let yourself go
and really share?

would you give yourself?
would you take me too?
would you would you help create
something made of me and you?

could you handle honesty
if we didn't turn each other on?
could you be a true friend
when the lust or novelty is gone?

do you understand that loneliness
is not love?
and i am feeling loneliness so much

could you handle honesty
if it was just a physical thing?
could you be a true friend
or would you just be a fling?

do you understand that loneliness
is not love?
and i am feeling loneliness so much

could you be
someone
who understands?

could you be
someone
who can hold hands?

would you take the time?
would you really care?
would you let yourself go
and really share?

would you give yourself?
would you take me too?
would you would you help create
something made of me and you?

the loneliness is deeper than the skin
well beyond horniness
a longing to share from within
the deepest recesses
of the heart and mind
the secrets only the best friends
can ever find

alone for years

the first time i fell in love i was not thinking much... so young and unconditional... naked, touching, humping, rolling on each other... so little fear at 4 years old... from then until just a few years ago i was in love and physically sharing love (and sexually active, shared or not) every day of this life... most years i had an active partner, but when i did not, i easily immersed myself in a fantasy of someone, at least visually... unconditional trust and falling in love was just being me...

all that changed just after the millennium changed... i found myself less willing to compromise... but even from a distance, in fantasy, i found myself more challenged to find someone who would inspire me to fall in love... even on the pure physical level, i found myself more challenged to find someone who would turn on libido... and most important of all, i found myself more challenged than ever to find someone who inspired me to want to trust unconditionally... and i write this wondering - do you understand that?... or this?...

and after a bit of wonderful masturbation earlier today i realized that it has been years since i fell in love with someone on any level... it is perspective, my perspective that has changed... i see the fear in the faces and i realize they do not trust themselves and therefore they cannot trust me and therefore, unlike before, i do not pretend to forget that i am a fool to unconditionally trust them... i know too much, see too much, feel too much, perceive too much, sense too much, and think too much... but how to un-know the signs?...

all

i wold tell you all my secrets if you cared to listen intensely enough to stay awake because you felt you could not stop listening for the sheer fascination of wanting to know me that much...

we don't have to fall in love, we just have to care enough...

sincerity

if I fell in love with you
would you want me to
come closer
or mover farther away

if I fell in love with you
oh what would you do
come closer
or move farther away

intensity
can be an enemy
it’s much easier to be
superficial friends

but honesty
has more appeal for me
and yet sincerity
leads to such sudden ends

so if I simply smile at you
would you want me to
come closer
or move further away

if I simply smile at you
oh what would you do
come closer
or move farther away

humanity
can be an enemy
it’s much easier to be
oblivious to love

oh can you see
that insecurity
makes love the enemy
and so they look above

when the real world gets too scary
do you pray
or do you find a way
to stay?

reality
can be an enemy
it’s much easier to be
lost in fantasy

but honesty
has more appeal for me
and so sincerity
is my way to be
sincerity
sets me free

so if I shared myself with you
whatever you choose to do
come closer
or move farther away

I will still smile at you
and wish you well
and are free to come or go
and if you want to know
when my true feeling show
I would rather
you’d stay

compromise

compromise
love is compromise
compromise
love is compromise
right before your eyes
it takes off your disguise
love is compromise
oh oh, compromise

it would be nice to hold someone tonight
to feel the softness of a lover's touch
to rest against a supple breast, alright
sometimes i miss a hug so much
but complications and controls
the human mind has other goals
confused hearts judge and condemn
other bodies and souls
is that the way the cookie rolls?

i don't want to buy or sell you
don't want you to own me
promises can come later
with the illusion of eternity

what i am trying to say is
tomorrow is light years away
and i don't want to waste any energy
on what might or might never be
or words we do not want to say
today

so please don't tell me lies
and dreams can keep for when we sleep
speak to me with your hands and thighs
let this moment make love so deep
that there is no other time
no alibis
just compromise

compromise
love is compromise
compromise
love is compromise
right before your eyes
it takes off your disguise
love is compromise
oh oh oh, compromise

if tomorrow you're still here
maybe we will grow to care
and reach for more things to share
be together everywhere
but each moment matters more
and the one that came before
and the one that's yet to be
that's tomorrow's fantasy

right now i feel you next to me
and inside you can feel me rise
touch the moment's reality
dive into each others eyes
form the bond between our lips
bring heaven down from the skies
unison dance in our hips
this is love without the lies
no other place no other time
no alibis
just compromise

compromise
love is compromise
compromise
love is compromise
right before your eyes
it takes off your disguise
love is compromise
oh oh oh oh, compromise

i am me and you are you
whatever else might be true
we can agree with our eyes
leave behind all the old lies
here is space, now is time
no alibis
just compromise

there is ice and there is fire
whatever else we may desire
we can agree with our thighs
leave behind all the old lies
here is space, now is time
no alibis
just compromise

compromise
love is compromise
compromise
love is compromise
right before your eyes
it takes off your disguise
love is compromise
oh oh oh oh, compromise
oh oh oh oh, compromise
oh oh oh oh, compromise

alonenss

feeling the aloneness
not as lonely as I used to get
is that something that I should regret
as the longing for loving touches diminishes
with each passing year
knowing the end is closer now
than it’s ever been
knowing the best of life’s time
is way back when
at least physically
there’s not much left of me
and yet the magic only takes a moment
and one moment of true love is an eternity
so I hope as always
it’ll happen to me

just one more moment before this body dies
just one more moment of this life’s greatest high
just one more moment of the sharing of love’s bliss
just one more moment, one more touch, one more kiss

feeling the isolation
not as frightened as I used to get
is that something that I should regret
as the desperation to be loved diminishes
with each passing year
knowing it’s not worth much unless
someone wants to give it
knowing all the wanting in the world
will not make someone else live it
and so physically
there’s no one here with me
and I don’t pretend I can force anyone
share true love, so I wait and let it be
and I hope as always
someone will love me

just one more moment before this body dies
just one more moment of this life’s greatest high
just one more moment of the sharing of love’s bliss
just one more moment, one more touch, one more kiss

softly, sweetly, touch the sweet sensation

i will live

it’s an aching loneliness
i confess
was it the cat curling up
while i slept
that awoke this loneliness
what a mess
how much more am i to bear
growing need
emo bleed
desperate for someone to hear

but not just anyone
no, not just anyone

the wagons circle
shudders close
there must be someone
who knows
how to reach that part of me
so long sleeping
promise keeping
worshipping what no one sees
how alone
can any one person be

but not just any one
oh, not just any one

the eyes roll back
heartbeats relax
and i am ready to die…
but i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
for love
for love
for love

it’s an aching loneliness
i confess
was it the cat curling up
while i slept
waking with a living breathing
animal in my arms
waking charms
what a mess
how much more am i to bear
growing need
emo bleed
desperate for someone to hear

but not just anyone
no, not just anyone

i mean no harm
i work hard to make that true
in every little thing i do
it is my way
and most of you
might say it is the way
of an innocent child, ok
maybe that is why i remain
alone again, unnaturally, in pain
please allow me to introduce myself
or please allow me to go insane

the eyes roll back
heartbeats relax
and i am ready to die…
but i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love
for love
for love
for love

it’s an aching loneliness
i confess
was it watching the couples kissing
at the party
wishing someone was with me
in that way
what can i say
what a mess
how much more am i to bear
growing need
emo bleed
desperate for someone to hear

but not just anyone
no, not just anyone

i will live for love
i will live for love
i will live for love